The "two-cow" explanation of what makes...
A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to
your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and
gives it to your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So
what?
A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You
feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office who tax
your cows, forcing you to
sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people
you voted for then take
the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your
neighbor. You feel
righteous.
A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and
provides you with milk.
A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and
sells you the milk.
You join the underground and start a campaign of
sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the
point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has
only one cow, which was a
gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and
build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both,
shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk
down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops
dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once
a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and
open another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don't know what
a cow looks like.
You take a nap.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you.
You charge for storing
them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership
with an American
corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the
American corporation declares
bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
A TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the
Afghan "countryside" and they
both die. You blame the godless American infidels.